My Bed is a Gift
December 22, 2011
Last week I was a little startled to hear a pastor (not ours by the way) tell some of his parishioners they had to lie in the beds they had made for themselves. Actually I was very startled. I wonder from where in the Bible he was drawing this? If God worked on the principle of making us lie on the beds of our own making there would be no story of grace. And no story of salvation. No Christmas as we understand and celebrate it. We make a bed of nails for ourselves – daily. That is true. But God does not insist we lie down here. Read more
Too Tough For Words
September 20, 2011
I have no idea how to write this up so I guess I’ll do what you always do when confronted by that challenge – just write. I had avoided calling Ryan’s family figuring they would contact me when they were ready. Turns out they had lost their phone and were worried they had lost touch. For my part I couldn’t wait any longer and called – to the relief of each of us. And it turns out a lot has happened in the intervening fortnight. Read more
Aftermath
September 9, 2011
(Random thoughts, in no particular order). I see daily in the news reports of accidents. Reports of people who die and so I think, “they have it a whole lot worse than anything I have handled”. I wonder who in the crowd handled the person who died on the M5 a few days ago. Or ponder the guy who pulled a plane crash survivor out of the water off Curl Curl beach. The counselor asked if I had cried. Read more
Self Diagnosis is a Dodgy Business
September 1, 2011
What the heck am I doing out here? Instinct drove me out here I think. Bugger all else comes to mind. Some sort of self help intuition that says getting out here might assist. Who knows if it will or not? Its true the extrovert in me recharges by being around others. I am not sure I need recharging though. Some reflection perhaps. Something solitary. Now I m here and the fire is burning my knees and the hair has been singed off my hands as I got it going I am less reflective and more maudlin. Which may well amount to the same thing. Read more
Eight Saints and a Penis
August 29, 2011
Last week I sat in a lawyer’s conference room. The décor was clinic white, all the better to show off their art collection, two pieces of which caught my wandering eye (it was a lawyers conference after all and the first rule of listening to lawyers is that you don’t have to listen to lawyers, especially because they build a career based on the assumption that you must). The two pieces were set apart by the folded back dividing wall. A modesty screen of sorts. For the two pieces couldn’t be more diverse. One was a three piece collection of halo ensconced (female I imagined) saints posed in classic orthodox reverence. On the other side of the modesty divider is a large wooden totem from PNG, a full sized painted male figure in full frontal nudity with his penis proudly displayed and his mouth forming a round ‘O’ in apparent surprise. Over the drone of the suit up the front I fancied I heard the following conversation: Read more
Cheek by Jowl
August 28, 2011
Follow on from Knot in Stomach
It’s a natural reflex to want to hug someone in distress. I struggled with that response when dealing with the toddler a couple of days ago. His face was so banged up, bruised and bloody and impossible to touch. Yet when someone, especially a child, hurts you want to hug them close. Touch says so much more than words but it was clear I could not touch him other than to brace his neck and head with my left hand. If I wrestled with any emotion in the car it was this one. So much so I even struggled to write that into my larger narrative so left it out and sketched some notes until I had worked out what I wanted to say. And to see if I could capture what I was thinking and feeling. Read more
Knot in My Stomach
August 22, 2011
A postscript to “Blood in my Mouth”
It’s the following day and I have walked around with a knot in my stomach, been flippant at work and not very productive in general. Sorry. In the past I have done a reasonable job of keeping my emotions in check but in this case I have decided to let them wash over me. It makes for some unexpected moments especially when I conjure up the sensation of his little head cupped in my hand, feel his cool skin, and see in front of me his frightened and trusting eyes. Read more
Blood In My Mouth
August 20, 2011
The blood in my mouth is not my own. The dry steel tang of iron was coughed and spluttered into mine by a three year old with brown tousled hair as he sat in his restrainer seat. Thank goodness for those seats. His mouth was clogged with blood and he was spitting it everywhere. He was crying, a good sign. And there was no blood coming from his ears. Another good sign as I ran through an almost subconscious checklist. Read more
Stay in the Mind
April 3, 2011
Where did I get to before I was distracted by the hippo? Church service… one of the lads took us to his family compound afterwards and to his tukel. We sat in there making polite conversation, the only light being that which threw in from the door. As you might expect in this part of the world hospitality is paramount but it can create challenges too. Soon the tinkle of glasses can be heard and a small boy ducks into the tukel with a tray with half a dozen glasses.
Abdulluh the Hutt – my Sudan Prebriefer
March 19, 2011
