Top Marketing Lines from my Spam Filter

April 12, 2009

email-spam.gifMarketing is about convincing a potential customer you have a product they need or want. The message which is conveyed has to be convincing, whether you are introducing the product or closing the sale. If you are going to win that sale you want your potential customer to know you are serious, and have a serious product.  Spelling errors, errors of fact, unreal pricing and such are only going to ring warning bells in the mind of a consumer – who today is doubly alert to a con line. Which makes me wonder why anyone ever follows up on the sort of spam links that come through to my in-box. But which can also make for some humourous reading. There are hundreds of bizarre lines out there but these and those like them appeal to my sense of humour. They are all cited verbatim from my spam filter, and no, I have not been tempted to follow any of them up).

1. If you think that your bulge is garbage change it

(Direct sales pitch conflicting with potential fragile ego of  customer – not a good approach)

2. Your insatiable chick will be full of pleasure

(See above – fragile ego could get in the way of an open line like this).

3. Your health is at risk

(Nice – emphatic, strong. The anonymous internet is diagnosing me now?) 

4. ??????????

 (A series of question marks from an email address which is a series of question marks? Go figure)

5. Boost your lover couch experience

 (Is this aimed at the reader, the lover or the couch?)

6. Reply me once plz

(Not once, twice or thrice – especially from someone with the surname  Ufyzusa)

7. Dentist Contact List for the USA

(Yes, I have a real need for one of these)

8. The Life needs to be lived in the pleasure and the it will be more, the better (sic)

(I will definitely respond to this invitation – they clearly know what they are on about).

9. The Saddest Story Ever

(Another compelling appeal from someone who I have never met  -a certain  Qmiqx)

10. Infection Attack! Fight Back!

(Health? Computer?)

11. Your wrist is screaming for a new watch

(This is so absurd I can only laugh. My wrist has its own mind? Please!)

12.Viagra 100mg x 30 pills (and an infinite variation on these numbers)

(Ad nauseum, by the hundreds, in various colours, weights, dosages and prices. It’s enough to get a fellow down.) 

13. Smart people go for replicas

(One of the more subtle ones in which the promoter quite happily admits fake or replica products. Good for my screaming wrist perhaps!)

14. Amazing Seex Life (Sic)

(Help from a cartoon character with a bad Mexican accent is coming your way.)

15. Don’t be Ashamed of your Wrist Anymore

(No, put it to work helping with that seex life!)


One Response to “Top Marketing Lines from my Spam Filter”

  1. Maryam in Marrakech on April 13th, 2009 00:45

    This is hilarious! (aka: me think u funnee. buy now.)

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